When Rejection Sensitivity (RSD) Blocks Connection
ADHDers crave deep connection, to feel really seen and heard, to feel understood. And at the same time, they’re often terrified of exactly that. Being seen. Really seen.
If you’ve got ADHD, you might have heard of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, or RSD for short. It’s not a formal diagnosis, but it explains a lot. That sudden, intense feeling that you’ve messed up, upset someone, been judged, rejected or let someone down, even if there’s no real sign that you have.
It hits hard, sometimes out of nowhere. A delayed reply. A short message. A tiny shift in someone’s tone or expression. And suddenly, you’re in it. The stories kick in.
They’re annoyed with me. I’ve got it wrong again. I’m too much. Not enough. They’ve had enough of me.
And then, to protect ourselves, we pull away. We hide. We mask. Or we overthink and over-communicate to try and fix it. We try to say things just right, in the hope it’ll keep us safe.
The hardest part? In trying to protect ourselves from being hurt, we sometimes end up blocking the very thing we need most. Connection.
Communication Can Feel Risky
For a lot of people with RSD, the fear isn’t just about rejection. It’s about being misunderstood.
Because maybe you’ve been misunderstood before. Maybe you’ve said things and people have taken them the wrong way. Maybe you’ve been told you were too blunt, too sensitive, too intense, too emotional. So now, just the idea of someone getting the wrong end of the stick feels unbearable.
That’s where the perfectionism comes in. But not because you’re trying to be perfect for the sake of it. Not because of ego or pride. It’s because being misunderstood can feel like danger. And when your nervous system is wired to avoid that at all costs, it makes total sense that you’d try to explain things exactly right.
RSD Can Keep Us Lonely
This is the painful bit. RSD convinces us we can’t let people see the real us. That it’s safer to hold back, to keep things surface-level, to avoid taking emotional risks. But that very fear keeps us from the connection we’re craving.
We want to be close to people, but we’re scared to get it wrong. We want to feel safe, but we’re constantly scanning for threat. So we end up alone, even when we’re surrounded by others. Not because we don’t care, but because we care so much.
What Can Help?
There’s no quick fix, but there are things that can help, and you don’t have to figure them out on your own. Coaching can be a powerful way to explore all of this with compassion and curiosity, especially when RSD has shaped how you see yourself and your relationships.
Together, we can slow things down and gently notice what’s going on underneath the thoughts, the physical signals, the stories that feel like truth. Through somatic exercises, you can start to recognise how your body responds when RSD is triggered, so you can catch it sooner and respond with more choice. That awareness is often the first step toward changing patterns that once felt stuck.
Here are a few things I often support clients with:
Noticing what’s happening in your body. RSD isn’t just emotional, it’s physiological. Tension, racing thoughts, racing heart, stomach drop , they’re all signals. Learning to tune into these with kindness, rather than panic or shame, helps you respond differently.
Being curious instead of critical. Rather than spiralling into “I’ve done something wrong again,” we explore where that fear is coming from, and whether the story it’s telling you is still true.
Practising good-enough communication. Perfectionism around wording is common with RSD. Coaching gives you space to practise what “good enough” communication feels like, messy, honest, and still worthy of connection.
Building tolerance for being misunderstood. This one’s tough, but over time, we can grow your capacity to sit with the discomfort of not always being perfectly received, without it costing your self-worth.
Choosing safer connections. Part of the work is also about identifying who feels safe to be real with, and how to protect your energy around those who don’t.
Through all of this, coaching offers a space to reconnect with your intuition and strengths, gently unpick unhelpful beliefs, and move towards relationships that feel more authentic and supportive, starting with the one you have with yourself.